So right now I’m talking to my friend Ryan and we are talking about dirty roommates and it’s finally giving me something to blog about.
I’m not Mrs. Clean or anything but I have to say, my hygiene is up there (I wouldn’t be able to do what I do for a living if I was a slob) and I am a very courteous roommate and house guest. Can’t say that for everyone though but I’m not naming names. 1) To protect people’s low down dirty shame 2) Some of the examples I will name doesn’t necessarily apply to anyone I’ve personally lived with, just observations I’ve made when going to people’s homes or hearing about other friends’ nightmare living situations, and 3) Nobody can admit that they are the dirty roommate. Either they are in deep, dirty denial or they really don’t realize that they live in filth.
I don’t know how some people can leave all their belongings on the floor. I mean ALL OF IT. Like I would not know if you had carpet or hardwood floors because I am knee deep in your shit kind of mess. Like I told Ryan…leaving clothing on the floor is like squirting lotion on the floor and applying it on your body. OK so clothing isn’t the worse thing one can leave on the floor. Let’s say, bowls of food, or bowls with remnants of food. That’s not savory…what the fuck is a bowl of oddly colored milk (finished your Fruity Pebbles/Lucky Charms/Fruit Loops I see) doing on your fucking floor anyway? What is that growing out of your half eaten yogurt cup? Are those ants crawling on your semi-licked lollipop? How do you not have diarrhea or some kind of plague?
OK..I’m being too harsh. Whatever landfill you want to make out of your own room should not be any business of mine. What IS a business of mine would be common areas like the living room, kitchen/dining room, bathroom, and front entrance. The living room normally doesn’t get that messy from most living rooms I’ve seen so I’ll skip that for now. One of my biggest pet peeves is the smell of food when I’m no longer eating it. Ask my co-workers they call me Lysol lady for a reason. Why does it smell like food when I’m not eating? It’s not because somebody else is eating it. It’s because someone forgot to wash the dishes/pan/pot/spatula for the past week. Or maybe because the food is in the fridge, uncovered, and rotting away. Or, it’s in the trash, at the top, threatening to spill over but nobody is willing to take it the fuck out.
Speaking of the garbage, how hard is it to take the garbage out? Maybe if your garbage shoot was on the first floor and you live in a very inconvenient dangerous high rise then sure, you’d want to put that off. Or if you live acres away from your front door. This is NYC, there’s a garbage shoot on every floor and we have acres of nothing. Maybe you like maggots and raccoons but I’m not a big fan.
Oh yea, back to the common areas. I hate dirty bathrooms. You may think, “well nobody likes a dirty bathroom, Becky”. Well you thought wrong. Apparently some girls love dirty bathrooms because their bathrooms are constantly dirty. Take your fucking long hair out of the tub drain/sink/floor. Ew, speaking of the sink, one time I was visiting a friend in their dorm and the light was broken so I dropped something in the sink and when I reached for it, I felt something hard and small with something slimy on top. My first guess was a dried up contact and then a gooey booger being the slimy thing on top. What the fuck. Since this was a dorm, it could’ve been anyone of those dirty bitches. UGH my poor hand. OK back to what I was saying… wipe the toothpaste off the mirror, why are you standing thaaat close anyway? Don’t you know where your teeth are? And no, our shower curtains aren’t THAT frosted, that is fucking mildew, woman!
Well, as much as I dislike living at home sometimes, I do like the fact that at least my mother is a very, very clean person. She’s a neat freak actually and she drives me nuts with her constant nagging but at least that nagging taught me not to be a dirty hamster. (I love that line, sometimes Situation comes up with some funny one-liners…the season finale sucked btw). Not sure why it didn’t work on my brother, he’s kind of a dirty one too.
I may be messy at times, but my mess consists of random papers all over my desk or clothes on my bed. So there is a fine line between “messy” and “dirty” and many people trudge their mucky shoes all over that line. I hate clutter and I hate grime and I honestly don’t know how some people can stand it. I’m sorry if some things came out harsh and if you felt like it may have been about you, but I am not sorry for pointing it out. You should all be sorry for making clean, hygienic people live in your realm of uncleanliness.